No Matter

You Know No matter how much you feel pain it will make u feel numb it will make you feel made it make you feel all kind of driffent emotions and it make you take a wild rides but in the end its your wild ride to ride weather you want to continue to ride it out or continue to the addiction path or find a better way or struggle to be a addict the but at the same time oh well some times you have to say oh well if you have cancer, or other pain issues or other things with you and you are suffering and have pain managing we are here for a reason but we are all struggling with some sort of addiction .

we need the support and under standing not judgement and hate from family and friends because some times we need help or someone to talk to and we are here to be able to vent and explain our issues but we try so hard to explain our issues there are many things running through our heads as it is and we don’t need it and we hate it we cant find friends or find the resources as for help well i cant because i have none where Iam and it sucks because metal health as a waiting list a mile and half long so i just write this isn’t a calling for help just a vent or just a journaling for self i have wrote a book already and published and i have done this because the drs wont listen to me and my pain and i suffer everyday as it is and it sucks i i hate it it hurts more then words put together i have bone marrow cancer and no iron in my bone marrow its a platelets cancer that basically causes the palettes cells to pop and then join and create a blood clot and then into A pulmonary embolism is a blood clot that blocks and stops blood flow to an artery in the lung. In most cases, the blood clot starts in a deep vein in the leg and travels to the lung. Rarely, the clot forms in a vein in another part of the body and it will either kill me or be lucky i have had 2 now and i am Sueing one dr for missing the first one sending me home and i had to drive to a second hospital and then have emergency to Endor the pain and be awake then be flown out to higher level of care where they then did 3 more surgery’s and i had to stays 4 weeks with a chest tube in me in icu and i was lucky to live my mother had to keep slapping me in the face to keep me awake because i was dying on the way to the other hospital that’s how bad it was like wtf …. and now because of all the surgery’s and everything that has went on with my health in the last 2 and half years iam a drug addict to narcotics because of drs induced and i cant get off the shit and iam mad ,upset ,depressed ,confused ,tried methadone, other things iam in NA, AA ,other groups, and iam trying everything i can to do the changes i can to do what i can do make the changes iam doing the 90 90 and just just cant because iam crawling up the walls ive been having seizure’s ending up in the Er like wtf do u do stuck between crossroad and a Y in a Road …….