Struggles

When your mind don’t shut off we find our self’s in a lost adventure in our minds and we tend to loose all control of our emotions and we feel numb weather we know it or not we have issues with our emotions and understanding it we don’t know who to trust or how to unpack it all and to find our self’s we don’t even know where to turn we try so hard and yet we cant even do that because the resources are not there for us to reach out i just found a new group i can use and i still don’t trust that to use and well its something that can be useful to me for long term its a open space to open up and vent and say what ever you want and not be judged for anything you say but i still don’t feel safe i don’t feel like i can use this space and feel safe enough to open up to everyone this is my issue but its all about learning to trust my inner self and people around me again ive been fucked up so many times and lied and cheated that its hard to learn to love, trust, and understand true love, supports, and efforts its all about if you can accept your self first and then work on you for you i can seem to find the desire to accept me for me i cant I’ve been bad over the years and I’ve hurt far to many people and i lied and cheated people that i have to get it out on paper to its not something iam proud off or am i wanting to talk about but i have to do something about it or iam going to go end up 6 feet below the earth surface and we all know what i mean iam having a rough issues with coping with life i was sexually abused at a young age and then i was bullied all my life with a over bite and well its hard on a persons mental health over the years and then it just sticks with you and it plays tricks on you over and over now i have ptsd and other issues as i wake up in a pool of sweat i suffer not only with pain but the meatal aspects and it sucks